Striving for Balance: One Habit at a Time

by Deborah Taylor-Hough

The biggest thing that seemed to keep me from pursuing healthy eating habits for any significant length of time was personal time constraints. Busy, busy, busy. Like many people today, I didn’t have time to get home-cooked meals on the table regularly — much less take the time to actually prepare something nutritious and healthy.

Then something happened several summers ago that completely changed my wishy-washy approach to healthful eating.

One morning I was showering and discovered what every woman dreads: a lump. A sizeable lump. Suddenly I was at the doctor’s office having x-rays and ultrasounds done, and before I really had time to fathom the full repercussions of this new chapter in my life, I was being schedule for a surgical lumpectomy and biopsy. The earliest they could schedule the procedure was several weeks away, so I found myself in “waiting mode,” trying not to obsess about my health, but finding myself helplessly reevaluating everything in my life.

It seemed that in one swift, life-changing moment I’d gone from peacefully going about my quiet little life to suddenly examining every moment and activity in light of the question, “What if . . . ?” What if I have cancer? What if I get horribly sick? What if I die? What if I don’t live to see my children grow up? What if this is my last summer here on Earth? What if …?

My entire life was now under a high-power microscope. I’d find myself looking at an activity and thinking, “Is this how I would want to spend my time if this were the last week of my life?” More often than not, the answer was a resounding, “No!” Suddenly everything stood out like a relief map. It was easy to identify priorities in a way I never had before. And I’d lived for a long time with a clear set of priorities before me.

But my priorities took on new meaning; I sensed a new urgency. My children. My husband. My faith. My church. These priorities suddenly grew in importance as my focus changed. Other activities like writing, public speaking, Internet activities and even mundane things like housework lessened their hold over my life. Not that those things ceased to be important but their placement in the way I chose to spend my time and energy changed.

I even found myself looking at where I lived and deciding that if I was facing the end of my time here, one of my biggest regrets was living at the end of a cul-de-sac in a standard housing development. My heart had always been in the country with horses and acreage. If my life was over, I found that I truly regretted not having done what was necessary to make that dream come true somehow. Raising my children in suburbia wasn’t what I’d wanted for my life. I found myself wondering when I’d started living someone else’s dreams. But probably the biggest refocusing that occurred was in the area of my physical health. For many years I’d been eating a poor diet and living a sedentary lifestyle. And my poor body showed it. Out of shape, overweight, out of breath.

THE RESULTS

The biopsy was negative.  Really? Did the doctor’s office actually say the results were negative — as in “no cancer”? A moment of numbness … and then: Hallelujah! That was truly a day for rejoicing when I heard those comforting test results. My entire life had been on hold while I waited to have the surgical lumpectomy. I was happy (jubilant? ecstatic? outrageously euphoric?) about the tests results, but I had a fairly difficult recovery time. I didn’t know it was possible to bruise so badly or hurt so much.

As I waited out my body’s healing process, I realized the non-physical scars from this event were going to last a lot longer than any physical ones. My emotional and spiritual life had received a jolt that would leave me forever changed. I remember lying in the recovery room after the surgery promising myself that as soon as I was able, I would start physically working out and eating better. I had a new motivation.

My brush with the harsh realities of the brevity and uncertainty of life made me want more than anything else to do whatever it took to live a full and healthy life, to see my children grow up and hopefully my grandchildren too.

THE HARSH REALITY

In addition to this new inner motivation, I knew I needed something concrete to be a constant reminder of just how out of shape I was and how badly I needed to follow through on this health program. Enter the idea of taking a “before” photo. Oh my goodness. Can you say, “Scary”?  I dressed myself in my several-sizes-too-small swimsuit and had my daughter take photographs of me from every angle. There’s no hiding the truth from the camera. When those pictures came back from the photo developer (and no, I didn’t go to the store to pick them up personally!), I cringed when I saw them. Cringe is a drastic understatement. I flinched. I winced. I cowered. I maybe even shed a tear or two.

Seeing my own bare back was an eye-opening event for me; my back is that part I just don’t see (actually I can’t see it without a photograph or doing the contortions of a gymnast in front of a full-length mirror). I gazed at those photos, dumbfounded.

What had happened to me? When did I develop the widest back West of the
Mississippi? I remember being an adult and wearing a size 5 pair of slacks. Not today. Maybe I could get one leg into a size 5 now. I looked at those pictures and thought, “Whatever happened to that thin young thing I used to be? When was my body taken over by an Alien Cow?”

Well, three babies and many years of a sedentary lifestyle and poor food choices had taken its toll on my poor body. It had been easy to look in the mirror, put on my make-up, think I didn’t look too bad if I was having a good hair day … but then never really, REALLY look at myself or take an honest inventory of my health. Those photos were the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen. No wonder I was always the first person to offer to take group photos so I wouldn’t have to actually be in any of the pictures myself. I think I was trying to hide the truth about what was happening to my body from myself.

REALISTIC GOALS

My goals for healthy living don’t include becoming super-model thin. I want to be healthy and strong. I’m not interested so much in how I look as in how I feel. But seeing my physical self as I really looked to others was just the wake up call I needed.  Whenever I’m tempted to have second helpings, or just one more handful of potato chips or a full box of Oreo cookies(!!), I take out those pictures of my back and look at them closely. And I quickly lose my appetite for junk, finding myself reaching for a piece of fresh fruit instead.

For me, the journey to a healthier lifestyle began with two steps: facing up to life’s brevity and facing up to the truth about my physical condition. Anyone who’s ever been able to wear a size 5 as an adult can’t use the excuse of having big bones anymore.  The truth was staring me in the face from those photographs. And the truth was what was going to finally set me free.

My resolve to get healthy was strong, but the practical application of my good intentions was sometimes difficult. I attempted a complete eating/exercise program. And failed. Failed miserably. A couple of my friends said the program was a failure. My nagging inner voice tried to tell me that I was a failure. But in retrospect, I don’t think either the program or my personal resolve was the root of the failure. I think I simply bit off more than I could chew at one time.

HABITS vs. RESOLUTIONS

In my Simple Times email newsletter, Catherine Levison (noted author and speaker) contributed an article about the formation of habits vs. making resolutions. She made the point that the key to successfully implementing permanent change in our lives revolves around instituting new habits. Once a habit is made, we don’t even have to think about it anymore.

According to Levison, the key to instilling new habits is choosing one habit — and only one — we want to work on at a time, and then focusing on that single habit for about four to six weeks (the amount of time it usually takes for a new behavior to become habitual). After the first habit’s been formed, we can choose another habit to work on for a month or so, etc., etc. The program I tried required life changes in the following areas:

• the amount of food I was eating

• what I ate

• how frequently I ate

• the amount of water I drank

• aerobic exercise

• using weights for strength training and body sculpting

All in all, I believe it’s an excellent program … but for someone like me who’s allowed herself to fall so badly out of shape and away from healthy “habits,” attempting to overhaul every area of my life in one swoop was almost a guaranteed failure before it began.

ONE HABIT AT A TIME

But what if instead of trying to change everything at once, I’d picked one idea at a time to work on until it became habitual? Six months ago — when I first started feeling the inner motivation to get healthier — I could’ve started with one small step such as drinking enough water everyday. Then the next month maybe I could’ve focused on aerobic walking three times per week. Or eating properly balanced meals. And then the next month focused on the timing of my meals.

In the same six months I would’ve been able to simply — and easily — instill all six of the life changes from that program without ever feeling overwhelmed by trying to do too much all at once. Instead of looking at my assorted food/exercise/health issues and feeling like a failure, I could’ve been making small and steady steps in the right direction each month and come out successfully at the other end.

LET’S GET GOING!

My health goals don’t include becoming super-model thin or running a marathon. I want a healthy, balanced lifestyle rather than an obsessive diet/exercise regime that’s based solely on quick results and what I want to see in the mirror. The mirror isn’t my gauge of success. The energy and stamina and good health that comes for a balanced lifestyle is the success I want to see in my own life.

So, what about you? What single small step can you take this month toward a healthier New Year and a healthier new you?

Choose one habit at a time. Take one step at a time. And before we know it, we’ll all be where we want to be … not just healthy, but health-WISE.